


The Sum of Their Parts

by Yukitsune



Series: DiaMari Week 2018 [2]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-09 02:05:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15257019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yukitsune/pseuds/Yukitsune
Summary: Day 2 of DiaMari Week - Distance and TouchFuture!DiaMari where life wasn’t as easy as they expected. Different expectations, lifestyles and personalities were part of a journey that they have to go through together. Going the distance was not a problem for them. Closing the distance though, that was something they had to work on.





	The Sum of Their Parts

**Author's Note:**

> I loved the idea of physical and emotional distance, and irony. Hence, this angsty/hurt fic was born. Hope you enjoy reading it! Again, completely rushed through this, so I apologise for any mistakes in advance.

It was late. The trains had halted their services over an hour ago. Patting her side, Mari cursed under her breath as it occurred to her that she was still in her sundress so she didn’t have any pockets.

Perhaps storming out of the apartment with nothing more than her heels and her cardigan wasn’t the best idea. Everything had happened so quickly that she barely had time to grab her cardigan before she slammed the door and left. Hence, her phone had been left charging, and her handbag was still sitting in the bedroom where she had left it. It was a ridiculous situation to be in. Any hope of going somewhere else to brood and lick her wounds was dashed.

Part of her knew that she could easily go back to get her bag, or even her phone. Yet, she didn’t. Her pride didn’t let her go back upstairs, lest she be taken as admitting defeat. They would probably end up yelling at one another again and she didn’t want to say something she’d regret even more. Taking the time to gather her things and leave, also seemed more final, and she didn’t want to send the wrong message either.

Perhaps a few years ago, she would have considered going back so she could have another dramatic entrance and exit. However, the flair for exaggeration that she used to have in high school had dimmed over the years; it made her feel nostalgic over losing some part of herself but it was part of growing up. It was probably due to the influence of Dia, but she considered a lot more variables when she made her decisions. 

Yet, she still had some dignity left to preserve, if anything else. So, placing one foot after another, she set off into the night, letting the glow of the street lamps guide her path.

Three blocks later and she was already regretting her decision. She had forgotten how much temperature dropped at night and the wind seemed to be particularly against her. With her hair constantly sticking to her face and the wind blowing at her skirt, her hands were constantly alternating between holding her skirt down and removing the hair from her eyes. Her heels weren’t fun to walk in, especially in the cold that bit at her ankles. She had just showered so her hair was probably in a mess, but she couldn’t care less about how she looked. The only thing she cared about was most likely still in their apartment, fuming from their argument. If she had been there, she would have lectured her about keeping her modesty as a woman even though the streets were empty.

At the thought of her girlfriend, Mari’s heart skipped a beat despite the pain that bloomed in her chest. No matter how angry she was, her feelings for her wouldn’t change. It had been two years since Dia had asked her to move in and three years since she had confessed to Dia after a reunion dinner in Uchiura. She could still recall the trepidation she felt as she debated whether she should talk to Dia about her feelings. In fact, it had been Kanan who ended up convincing her that if she really wanted a future with Dia, it was worth the risk. She was right. No matter how much they fought or what they eventually become, she would never regret her decision to let her feelings spill over into words and convey themselves to Dia. Her confession had been a bulk of rambling as she tried to put her thoughts together while Dia waited patiently and tried to follow her train of thought. She had spent an hour trying to get herself together before the dinner and repeated the three words in her head. It occupied so much of her thoughts that even You had commented about how spaced out she was. She hadn’t even realized they were referring to her, until Yoshiko remarked that it was the effect of her demonic power which had grown stronger over the years. After which, the attention shifted off her as Hanamaru sighed and commented that it had been a few years but she was still very much a chuunibyou. The younger girl quickly reverted to her usual high pitched voice as she once again yelled out that her name wasn't “Yoshiko”. The familiarity of the situation brought a smile to everyone’s faces and a warmth in their hearts. Time had passed but at least some things didn’t change.

Mari was particularly glad for the short lived distraction because she caught Dia watching her out of the corner of her eye during the commotion. Said girl quickly turned away when she realized she had been caught and her embarrassed look made her feel just a bit more confident about her feelings.

However, when she asked her if they could take a walk by the beach after everyone had gone to bed, her nerves quickly returned in full force. Somehow a simple “I love you” wasn’t enough to express what she felt, so she waited until she had gathered enough courage at the end of her speech to attempt to say it out loud. Even then, the words in her sentence seemed to falter as she expected to be rejected. Dia hadn’t said a word during her long ramble, so when she fell silent, the only sound left was the ocean as the water pounded into the rocks beside them. So, when the other girl became flustered and asked if it was a joke, she realized that there could be still be hope for a dreamer like her.

She had assumed that life with Dia wouldn’t have been that different. They had grown up together and spent most of their schooling years working together. Their most significant moments included the presence of one another. Truthfully, she thought that there was nothing for them to hide from one another. What a naïve thought.

As it turned out, dating Dia and living with her were two very different things.

To some extent, going out and meeting her, sleeping over, having meals together and going on dates were all part of getting to know one another as girlfriends, but sharing the same space meant sharing parts of their minds and lives that were private. There was always that safety in retreating to their own homes at the end of the day, but living together meant that their safe space was always shared with one another. The amount of contact in their everyday life should have increased, but she realized that other than during the weekends and holidays, they rarely saw one another. In that sense, she became more aware of their differences in mindsets. Dia worked to support the family and that was how she showed her affection and commitment. However, Mari was the type who needed time spent together and long conversations. Originally, their different opinions and mindsets made them a good fit as working partners and friends but as a couple, she found it difficult to get used to.

The fight they had was long overdue.

She didn't know when it started, but it had been a slow trek downhill ever since they moved in together. It had been easier when they were still in college and studying miles apart, surprisingly. She missed the days when they spent hours on video call talking about their days and minor things that they noticed during the week. Nowadays, it felt like a struggle to find a common topic which they could share opinions on. It may have sounded like a mature conversation to an onlooker, but it lacked the playful spark which Mari craved. When they spoke through their screens, all Mari could think about was reaching across miles of oceans to touch her. Ironically, although she she was finally in a position where all it took was a few centimetres before she could make contact, the distance between them felt larger than any ocean or continent could stretch. 

Part of the problem was that Dia was very private with her thoughts, so Mari had no idea what she was thinking. All she could do was guess and lately, she had been feeling like everything she did was wrong. Yet, Dia had not said anything about it. Some of it was probably due to overthinking, but how could she not, when her girlfriend would rather change herself or try to accept things as facts instead of change or improve them. She had expected that Dia would be more forthcoming about their problems once they started living together, but she wasn't. If anything, she seemed more difficult to read. 

Her left heel hit the edge of the curb and her hands caught the pavement to stop herself from falling on her face. The pain that followed pulled her back to reality. She breathed a sigh of relief and brushed the remnants of gravel off her palms when she regained her balance. It was then that she realized the street lights above her had disappeared and she was in an unfamiliar corner of the town. Looking around frantically, she tried to gauge which direction she had come from, but all the houses and streets looked foreign. It was amazing how everything looked different at night. She really regretted not taking her phone when she left the house.

She briefly wondered if Dia was looking for her. Her girlfriend was the type to get worried even though her stubbornness and pride prevented her from saying so. It had roughly been an hour since Mari had left the house after their fight, and their longest record of staying mad at one another was 15 hours. Granted, they both had been working during the day so a certain lack of contact and distance was guaranteed. However, she wasn’t sure if she would be able to find her way back before morning and staying out all night would not be very advisable with the weather. She could already foresee herself catching a cold and taking sick leave the next day. Another thing for her to get lectured about when she eventually reached home. She wondered when she started thinking of her girlfriend as a nag, but it wasn't a pleasant feeling so she tried not to dwell on it.

The deathly silence made it easy for her ears to pick up the sound of running water and conscientiously altered her course to search for the source. For some reason, even though it had been years since she moved away from Uchiura, she still found herself getting drawn to water sources. The sight, sound and smell of the ocean gave her comfort and it felt like a small piece of home that she would always carry with her, no matter where her destination was. She wanted to tell Dia these things, but they wouldn’t carry much importance when she had to worry about so many other things. More than anything, she didn’t want to be a burden.

It was things like that which made her feel like she and Dia were growing apart. Growing up together didn’t mean that they wouldn’t grow into different people, or that they wouldn’t grow apart. However, it was difficult to admit to herself that she had probably become too reliant on Dia over the past few years. She had always prided herself on being independent and using her own strengths to succeed. She didn’t even use her father’s money unless she really needed to. Hence, the fact that her world had become defined by a single person terrified her.

She was met by another gust of wind as she was suddenly faced by a lack of houses and buildings. She could hear the roar of the wind as it coursed along with the gushing water. It seemed like she found the canal that streamed through the town. Hence, she figured that it would be better to stick to it until she found a main road and could orientate herself. Perhaps she would make it home before sunrise.

It was cold. At least, that was what Mari thought she was. She couldn’t really tell anymore. Her arms and shoulders had grown numb due to the icy wind which seemed to slowly freeze the blood in her veins. It was weird tingling feeling, because she felt like her body was used to the chill, and it shouldn’t be. She was getting tired of walking in her heels so she took off her heels and sat on the edge of the canal.

“Mari-san!” She had to be dreaming. It sounded like Dia, but her voice was different somehow. It brought a nostalgic feeling to her chest and she felt like crying. Mari blinked slowly as she scanned her surroundings. She was alone. “Mari-san, can you stand up?”

A small, pale hand appeared in front of her eyes. Glancing up, she was stunned to see familiar bright green eyes. “Are you hurt badly? You need to get up so I can take a look.”

Shaking her head, she stared at the small frame. This couldn't be real, she thought. She had to be hallucinating. Her Dia was still at home, and way more grown up. Yet, she couldn’t take her eyes off of the tiny girl who stood in front of her. She still gave off the impression of maturity and grace, but more than anything, there was a warmth and innocence in her eyes. After a while with no response, the little Dia frowned and looked impatient. Mari wanted to laugh. Even at a young age, she had mastered the look of disapproval which made her look like a stern older sister. She paused to pity Ruby who had to face her while she was growing up. 

She realised that Dia’s hand was still outstretched towards her and she slowly raised her own to grab it. Before she could touch her, another hand, smaller and slimmer, grabbed Dia’s. Turning to her side, she saw a younger version of herself struggling to stop her tears as she sat on the floor. Mari’s eyes widened. This should have been a memory, but she had no recollection of it. She searched through her brain but she couldn’t figure out when this had happened. It was a feeling that she couldn’t describe. It was as if she was reliving a part of her life that she had no clue even happened. So, she could only watch herself interact with Dia, while hoping that somehow the real Dia would realise that she had gotten lost.

As the young Dia tried to pull the young Mari to her feet, Mari followed unconsciously. She winced as the blisters on her feet made themselves apparent.

“Ow...it hurts... I can’t stand up.” She turned to her younger self, who had just echoed her thoughts. She was still seated on the floor. It was then that Mari noticed the scrapes on her knees. She inadvertently looked down at her own knees, as if looking for invisible scars would help her remember.

“Kanan-san went to get the teacher so they will be coming with a first aid kit soon.” Dia bent down to check her knees for any serious injury and was satisfied when she found that they were just a few cuts and scrapes which would bruise over later. The older Mari smiled wistfully at the scene. Dia was easy to rely on when she was like this. How could she have not fallen for her? “Let’s go over to the side of the road and wait for them. It’s dangerous here.”

“I don’t really want to move. It hurts a lot.” The young blonde shook her head feebly, her usual hair loop quivering along with her. 

“Ah!? Why are you crying again?” Slightly alarmed, the young Dia kneeled down beside the other girl. She seemed to be considering her options of how to proceed. “You know, Ruby fell the other day while running. She had cuts and bruises like you too.”

“It must have hurt a lot. Is she okay?” 

“It hurt, but she was really brave and stood up again. You’re brave too, Mari-san. You can do anything you set your heart and mind on.” The younger version of Dia wrapped her arms around the young Mari in a hug. It seemed like such an innocent and child-like thing to do, but it warmed the older Mari’s heart. She could almost feel the tiny arms around herself, giving her the strength she needed to pull herself together. The younger Mari hugged her back without hesitation as she continued to sniffle into her shoulder. When Dia pulled back from the hug, Mari realised that the younger Mari was standing on her own. She had stopped crying too. In that one swift move, Dia had lifted her up, both emotionally and physically, and helped her find the strength to stand on her own. The act was so Dia-like that Mari’s heart surged with affection for her. 

“Mari!!!! Are you okay?” Both girls turned to the sound of Kanan’s voice as the blue haired girl sprinted over. The teachers were on her heels as they walked briskly over to them. Mari teared up again as Kanan hugged her. Out of the corner of her eye, Mari noticed Dia smile exasperatedly, but it wasn't without affection.

“I just want to go home...” The young Mari cried out as Kanan comforted her. Dia stood next to the hugging duo quietly, holding Mari’s bag along with her own. She had slung Mari’s bag high on her shoulder, allowing her own bag to hang lower such that the straps dragged themselves on the ground. It looked heavy but she didn't seem to mind. The older Mari watched as the teachers dressed the wound and sighed. Dia was always the type who went the extra mile but never made her efforts known. She felt that Dia had remained the same in that sense, even after they started dating. It was one of the things that frustrated her the most about her girlfriend because Dia never relied on her for anything. The relationship felt mostly one-sided. She understood that as the student council president, she wanted to act independently from the chairwoman. However, the independence in their personal lives surprised her to some extent. She had spoken to Ruby about it once, when she was feeling particularly down. The young girl had grown up to be beautiful and mature, with a will as strong as her heart. They couldn’t be more proud of her. Hence, when Ruby explained about how difficult it was for Dia to share her life with the people closest to her, she accepted it. However, it made their fight even more unbearable. 

It had started with something small. Dia had been clearing the dishes and Mari asked if she needed help. She had declined politely and Mari had half-joked that she should be getting used to rejection, after the amount of negation that she had been given. The comment had been slightly on the offensive side but she hadn’t expected the snide remark that set her off. 

“I don’t need your help; I can manage these things on my own. Why can’t you understand that?” 

“Would it hurt you to rely on me or even talk about these things?” 

“If I don’t need help in the first place, there’s no need for that. It would be inefficient.” That sentence gave her anxiety when her brain replaced “that” with “you”. If there was no need for her, then she was just be a burden. “There are other more important matters to attend to.”

“So there’s no room in your life for me?” 

“You are so self-centred! You’re not even considering the other variables or the bigger picture.” Dia hardly raised her voice, but her exasperation made it impossible to keep her voice level down. “I’m literally living with you! What more do you want?”

“You don’t have to, you know.” The words came out in a rush. Mari wasn’t thinking clearly, even she knew that. These were her fears and trails of darker thoughts, not the things that she actually wanted to say to her. However, her emotions were temporarily controlling her. “If you can’t decide when to cut the rope, I’ll do it for you.” 

“What?” 

“You seem to be more suited for a single life anyway.” 

She had left the apartment in the heat of the fight, knowing that she had said something that might have changed the course of the relationship. It was something she regretted the moment the meaning of her words registered in her head. However, it was too late for her to take them back. 

She groaned. At that moment, she didn’t need anything else, she just wanted to go home to Dia. Her home WAS Dia. Her girlfriend just had to realize that. 

“Dia, you idiot!” She yelled out angrily across the water. The darkness and emptiness of the night seemed to swallow her thoughts and she felt slightly better. It only occurred to her later that it was in the middle of the night and screaming into the night while walking around the neighborhood wasn't a good idea. 

“Mari-san?” Mari jumped at the sound of her name. She genuinely hoped she wasn't hallucinating again because her heart probably couldn’t take the disappointment a second time. She barely felt the gloved hand grasping her own, but the touch was familiar and comforting. Her girlfriend had an exceeding gentleness when she touched her. There was no mistake this time. Relief flooded her body when she took in the sight of Kurosawa Dia standing in front of her, panting. Not the child-like Dia she had seen earlier, but her Dia. She looked a lot more weary and exhausted, but Mari was sure that she had never looked more beautiful. 

“I’ve been driving all over town looking for you! You left your phone and wallet so there was no way to contact you.” Mari couldn't even say or do anything other than slump against her. She was exhausted. Dia’s hands slipped around her on instinct and Mari felt hot tears drip down her cheeks. She didn't even notice that she was crying until she realized that the tears melted the ice that had begun to form on her cheeks. Before she knew what was happening, she felt instantly warmer. Dia had wrapped a blanket around her and tugged a scarf around her neck. 

“It’s one of the coldest nights of the season, you are absolutely ridiculous.” Turning around, the brunette took a few strides ahead of her, presumably in the direction of her car. Mari didn’t move. She was clearly still upset with her. They had to clear some things up before either of them had the chance to brush things aside in the morning. The night seemed to force them to confront their own inner darkness, which made them more raw and volatile. However, she had to say it while she still had the courage to do so.

“I love you Dia.”

“What?”

“I love you, every part of you. The lectures, the exasperation, the nagging-”

“Nagging?!”

“Yes, everything. I may not understand why you do what you do, nor do I know how you think. What I do know is that you’re the most amazing person I know and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Whether her face was red from embarrassment or the cold, Mari didn't know. However, watching Dia splutter and stammer was a treat she didn't get very often. Dia was not the best when it came to expressing her feelings through words, so Mari decided to be explicit enough for the both of them. “Mari-san, you’re delirious. Let’s go home and we can talk about this when you’re not hypothermic.”

“I know what it sounds like, and I know we aren’t ready for marriage. I’m not proposing to you now, but I’m proposing to the future you, in advance.” 

“WHAT?” Her girlfriend’s face was a mixture of disbelief and exasperation. For a moment, Dia was speechless; and then she burst out laughing. The sound brought life back to Mari. She had to admit, it did sound insane. A series of emotions and thoughts coursed through her mind and reflected themselves in her eyes. Mari couldn’t help but laugh along, even though there were tears prickling at her eyes. This was her Dia, through and through. Bruised by the world, haunted by past experiences and sometimes awkward, but she would never want anyone else. Although Mari knew they had a long way to go, she felt like the open circuit between them had somehow been momentarily closed. She felt the familiar connection and electricity, and realized that perhaps they had not lost it to begin with. They were still Dia and Mari, and they loved one another. No amount of fights and years that passed would change that. 

“Eh? Why are you crying again? Are you hurt somewhere?” Tracing over her tear tracks with a firm gentleness that reminded Mari of the young Dia she had just seen, the brunette moved her hands down to her arms to check her palms. She knew that it didn’t matter when she proposed. Past, present and future, they were all Dia and she wanted to tell the world that she was hers. 

“Mm, I’m happy to see you.” Mari wiped the rest of her tears away with a watery grin. “I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused you. I just want to come home.” 

“Okay. Let’s go home.” Taking the first step to reach across the ocean of uncertainties between them, Dia stretched out her hand towards her. Mari took it without hesitation. Interlocking their fingers and realizing they still fit perfectly, Mari finally felt like she could breathe. For now, they had closed the distance. 

They were two parts that had broken parts of themselves down in order to fit one another, in the hopes of becoming whole.


End file.
